One of the most important steps of living personally transformed is learning to live a more well-differentiated life. The skill of self-differentiation is so important to our lives that we often refer to it not as another relational tool within our toolbox, but the toolbox in which we put all our relational tools. Differentiation of self is foundational to personal transformation.

With that being said, our toolbox will most likely never be complete. We will work our whole lives; learning, growing, making mistakes, then reflecting, learning, and growing some more. We are imperfect beings striving to be like the Perfect One. We can expect shortcomings, but in those moments, it is how we respond and what we learn that is important.

[pullquote type=”left”]To respond like Jesus, we must practice like Jesus.[/pullquote]

(Reminder before we get started. Differentiation of self is being able to distinguish thinking from feeling – even in the midst of conflict, criticism, and rejection. By sorting out our thinking from our feeling, we are able to live a more principled life. So our goal in these 4 daily practices is to help us sort out thinking from feeling so that we can live with more integrity.)

Here are 4 daily practices that can help you grow to be more differentiated:

Prayer

We like the definition of prayer that reads, co-laboring with God to accomplish His purposes, release His power, be changed by intimate communication with Him, and see His specific answers to our specific requests.

A few points to get you started:

• Ask God for clarity on what you are feeling and why you are feeling it.

• Ask God to release His power and strength in you.

• Ask God to continue working to accomplish His purposes for your life.

• Ask God to reveal gaps between what you say you believe and what you practice.

Meditation

Meditation is a broad practice that can be done in a variety of ways. For the sake of this post, I will simplify it to ‘deeply pondering over a particular thought, feeling, verse, or word’. Like the way it is practiced, the reasons why we meditate are also vast. Some reasons why we meditate may be to find peace, clarity, to hear from God, or simply to be immersed in His presence.

A few points to help you get started:

• Welcome God into the space.

• Remember a time recently when your anxiety spiked and begin to dig. Think through what happened that spiked your anxiety, how you responded, how others responded to you. Now, imagine going back to that situation and being who you want to be. .

• Remember a time recently when you were overcome with negative emotions and begin to dig. Think through what happened to spark the negative emotion, how you responded to the situation or person, and how they responded to you. Now, imagine having that conversation again and showing up differently…

Worship

In worship, we focus on the glory of God. We worship God as the giver of all good gifts, as ruler of the heavens and earth, and for our savior, Jesus Christ.

The nature of worship is focused on God. Some of us forget its importance in the personal transformation process. However, worship has two very important roles in personal transformation. The first role is that we invite God’s power into our personal experience. We are acknowledging that true personal transformation only comes through Him. The second role is that God meets us in these moments, and in God’s presence we are changed.

A few points to help you get started:

• Pick a worship song or album to sing along with.

• Give thanks in prayer. Thank God for everything you can possibly think of.

• Begin thinking of worship as a way of being instead of simply specific times or actions.

• Ask God to help you live out a life of worship.

Journaling

Journaling is a great practice to use for growing in all areas of our lives. We typically write different than we speak, so writing out our thoughts, feelings, and experiences can give us different perspectives. Journaling also gives us a way to keep records. It gives us the ability to look back over time and see how we have changed as well as how God has answered prayer.

A few points to help get you started:

• Recall and write about a time recently when you were overcome with negative emotions or your anxiety rose and begin to dig. Think through what happened, how you responded to the situation or person, and how others responded.

• Write out your prayers and ask God to give you increased power to show up in the places where negative emotions get triggered as a more calm presence who can stay connected.

• Write out ways that God is moving in your life, things you are thankful for, and ways that you can be worshiping in your day-to-day life.

Differentiation of self is a never ending process. Taking action to increase your self-differentiation is a major step in the journey of personal transformation. If your goal is to live a life that Jesus would live if he was living your life, you must learn to distinguish thinking from feeling even in – or perhaps, especially in – the midst of anxiety and negative emotions.

What are some ways you use these spiritual disciplines (or others) to help yourself grow towards living differentiated?