“Faithwalking is a process and a community. In Faithwalking we are invited to grow towards spiritual, relational, and emotional maturity as it is most clearly expressed in the person of Jesus.” – Mike DeRuyter
Mike DeRuyter is a pastor and a Faithwalking leader in Midland, MI. In the video above and audio and text below, Mike shares about his experience with Faithwalking.
Q: Describe something in your life that you were not aware of before Faithwalking. What was the impact of that lack of awareness in your life?
Prior to Faithwalking, I wasn’t aware of how driven I am by the need to gain the approval of others. As a pastor, that need for approval could never be finally satisfied no matter how driven I was to work harder. I was a church planter, an Army Reserve chaplain, a Doctor of Ministry student, and a brand new father. Inevitably, though, I would disappoint someone. Fail someone else. Find myself at odds with another.
I didn’t know that I couldn’t think my way out of the bind I was in. So I ended up lying to people, distracting people, arguing with people to cover up my perceived failures. I pressured my wife to make us look better than we were by never putting our struggles in the public eye. She became isolated and resentful.
Q: What has changed through Faithwalking? How are you different?
I am learning in Faithwalking to live with authenticity and integrity. Recognizing the truth about my approval addiction has helped me to see the lie in it. I don’t need and can’t earn anyone’s approval. Certainly I can’t gain approval by presenting a false picture of perfection. What I have learned in Faithwalking is that my flawed humanity and messy efforts are actually a pathway to intimacy, a connection with God and with others.
I have learned how to be vulnerable with less shame, connected without hiding behind a role or self-designed image. It is no overstatement to say that Faithwalking saved ministry for me. And it saved my marriage.
Q: Describe the vision you have of your best self.
My vision for the best version of Michael is that I will be courageous and creative; I will be a gentle, encouraging and deeply connected husband and father. The congregation that I serve will know that I love them. And they will know that I love Jesus. At my best, I will be able to tell the truth about the good gifts I have been given and will use those gifts in ways that call out the best in others and develop the gifts of leadership the Church needs for the next generation. I will also tell the truth about my weakness, failures, and the things I don’t know. I won’t take up a defensive posture towards those who point those things out; I will refuse to protect myself from disapproval. I will press in to life with joy, curiosity, and humility.
Q: Describe Faithwalking in your own words.
Faithwalking is a process and a community. In Faithwalking we are invited to grow towards spiritual, relational, and emotional maturity as it is most clearly expressed in the person of Jesus. Faithwalking uses tools from the worlds of spiritual formation, living systems theory, and missions to invite growth in one’s own life at the same time that one is growing in effectiveness on mission.
Q: What is the most helpful tool you have learned in Faithwalking?
Faithwalking was my introduction to the idea of living systems. For someone who was living a very cerebral life, and getting stuck over and over, learning about the role of anxiety and the functioning of systems opened up for me brand new ways to manage myself and relate to others. One of the very first action steps I took as a result of Faithwalking was to move towards the source of anxiety in my life rather than run away from it. That stance has helped me grow up more than any single thing I have ever done.
Q: Tell us about you. Who are you? How did you connect with Faithwalking?
I am the father of 3 amazing young adults and the husband to an incredible, gracious wife. I have also been a pastor since 1996, serving both as a church planter and in a revitalization work. About 12 years ago I was ready to walk away from ministry completely. Each Sunday after church I scanned the want ads for a new job. Carpet cleaner was at the top of my list for a while, but I was too depressed to actually make the change. A wise coach in my life at that time encouraged me to participate in a retreat that our denomination was piloting. The retreat was held in Austin, TX in February—and I live in northern Michigan. So I went. That weekend was led by Jim Herrington and Trisha Taylor and included many of the components of Faithwalking. The next year a group of us went back to Houston and participated in a full-fledged Faithwalking retreat weekend. Those two experiences altered the trajectory of my life. One way it did so was that I became so intrigued by “systems thinking” that I enrolled in the postgraduate program at the Bowen Center to study living systems theory in depth. I stayed in that program for four years and then did two years in a research group.
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