Self-discovery is a key to breakthrough in personal transformation, as we see in Kat’s story below. What is self-discovery, and what are its benefits? How do we go about it, and what is stopping us? Explore these questions and more in Ken Shuman’s helpful guide to engaging in this practice, available for download here.
Kat’s Story
Learning about your vow and how it impacts your life is big, and it’s so important in taking that first step toward transformation. Going one step further and confronting the person who was involved in the creation of that vow is huge. It’s something I knew I never wanted to do, nor did I think I’d have the courage to. But God had other plans for me. Yet again He has shown me that His way may not be easy…but it’s so much better than my way.
I began the formation of my vow at age 7. I remember watching one of our favorite family shows. I loved it because there were couples singing and dancing. The women wore beautiful, flowing gowns; they were so graceful and looked like they were having so much fun. In my profound 7-year-old wisdom, I knew that was the career I wanted. During one episode, with parents both present, I excitedly blurted out, “I want to be a dancer, just like those people, when I grow up!” My dad’s response wasn’t the supportive one I had hoped for. He said, “Well, you’re going to have to lose weight, if you want to do that.” That one casually spoken sentence was the beginning of a journey into the false me. The 7-year-old me gave that one simple sentence a meaning: “I’m not worthy of being loved the way I am.”
Now, as those of us involved in Faithwalking know, our vows get triggered and reinforced time and time again. What we don’t realize…or at least, I didn’t realize, is how this affected me. I subconsciously rationalized that I obviously needed to “do things” in order for people to love me. I had to earn the affection I needed. So I became the person you could always rely on to help out. And if I felt like I was being judged on my “performance,” I would withdraw. The last thing I wanted to do was be involved in community! I was safe all by myself.
Let’s fast forward to the present, five months into FW 201 for me. My dad and stepmom had gotten back from their annual 6-month hiatus in Florida. (Those cowards can’t handle our long, cold Michigan winters! Actually, I’m counting down the days until my husband and I can escape them, too!) We were eager to see each other again. We shared a great meal, played cards, and laughed a lot. At one point in the evening, my dad reflected on a difficult time he had had with his brothers when he was younger. He felt that he had to earn his parents’ and brothers’ approval for most of his young life. This was the door that God had opened for me, and He lovingly nudged me to walk through it. I’m not sure how it’s possible to feel anxiety and peace at the same time, but that’s what I felt. I was anxious about my dad’s response to what I was about to say, but I had the peace and confidence that no matter what he said, my Heavenly Father loved me dearly…just the way I am.
As I prepared myself to speak, the years of hurt resurfaced. My eyes filled with tears, yet my voice was calm. I said, “Dad, there’s something that you said to me when I was younger that had a similar impact on me as the one your family had on you. It was so long ago, you probably don’t even remember it, and that’s okay.” When I shared my story, he initially denied ever saying what he did. I once again reassured him that I didn’t expect him to remember one single sentence he spoke to me 45 years ago.
When our discussion ended, he told me how much he loves me, how proud he is of me, and how he’s noticed a recent change in me – a good one (thank you, Faithwalking!). The evening ended and my parents left. As I went to bed, I knew this wouldn’t be the end of our discussion. You see, my dad is a very reflective person, and I knew he would replay our talk in his head. I was expecting an email response…a defensive one. Sure enough, the next morning, there it was…the response I dreaded. I braced myself for the worst, and this is what I read: “As always, you two have lightened our hearts, made our evening, and blessed us in more ways than you can express. Daughter, when I grow up, I’d like to be just like you. I admire, appreciate and cannot believe how God has blessed us with your presence. You are so special to so many that I cannot comprehend the amount of your positive influence on the many faces you have encountered. Your dad loves you more than you will ever fathom.” With tears flowing down like Niagara Falls, I was speechless and overwhelmed. I couldn’t believe that my 79-year-old dad stated that HE wanted to be like ME! To this day, I’ve never been able to fully express the magnitude of the emotions that hit me as I read that. Needless to say, I saved that email and will cherish it for the rest of my days.
My husband and I have shared more family time with my dad and stepmom since that evening. And my dear dad is very intentional about sharing the “good stuff” he sees in his daughter. I don’t take one minute of it for granted, and I count myself as very blessed that God has given me this amazing opportunity.
Dear friends, I pray that you never stop dispelling the lies which you’ve come to believe as a result of your vow. And I pray that you take the opportunity to courageously walk through any door that God may open for you. Because this is His promise for all of us: “Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid or terrified because of them, for the LORD your God goes with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you.” Deuteronomy 31:6
